with a 'better' perspective comes a limit to 'belonging'-  always somewhat detached, never quite fits. 

haha. better perspective, with detachment attached. get it... like no strings attached.. except... detachment attached... 

do i want that?

i don't quite know what i want nowadays... that's a first. i guess i still know what i should want.

autumn.

i am excited for the season <3

autumn = sweater weather. cardigan weather, scarves weather, coat weather. hehe. also, clearest skies, prettiest shades of blue. good weather to read a good book outside, and just the atmosphere before the holiday season... and and! good weather to take a guitar class and... to use the dark room. kekeke

today i discovered the crafts center and its classes. meaning that ucsd still has a dark room and i can take a guitar class for $10 and actually learn faster than waking up early every morning to go rent out a piano room to practice to avoid people hearing my ding ding ... super noob chord skills. 

that made me happy. i don't think my roomies have seen me so excited before... except when i told them my story of missing my flight in korea and the adventure that followed and how i saw God in every step and how i felt so much more responsible and grownup after that day/night. 

i am excited for the bands and performances and installations and galleries. the morning benders sound pretty good. and i really want to see the sanctuary project performance but it's on the same day as IV frosh orientation. and so is the acoustic show. 

and downtown san diego is pretty. but smells of alcohol cigarettes mixed with whatever it was is pretty gross. 

i have still not been to the beach yet. i know. 

sadly i've been pretty school spirit deprived and not attending many school activities because i've been checking out fellowships and churches all week. but once i get plugged into one, i shall embrace being a triton and a revellian. 

maybe... honestly i haven't been so homesick because i've been wanting to get away from certain things. but my set of waves of homesickness has visited me the past few days. i guess one of the things i miss most is privacy and just having time for yourself, being able to unwind in a place you call 'home'. and korean food, and my cats, and of course persons. 

i have been getting less sleep everyday... but surprisingly not too tired. maybe the flights of stairs and walking... miles? is helping. haha... i don't think i'll have to worry too much about freshman 15 because i've never worked out so much before. but then again.. -__- oh well. 

classes have started, i think i'm going to drop my history of photography class and put aside minoring in photo. i figured it's too much after trying to construct possible four year/three year plans. and i found the classes offered @ crafts center, with a dark room <3

i have a lot to read for ethnic studies. but it's going to be an interesting class. 

and calculus... i have not done for an year. and chem... i have not done for two years. haha sigh. 

thus my longish update about what i've been up to/how college has been like since we will all be busier soon : l 

i am excited, though. 

and if you are reading this-

write to me! i got my mailbox keys now. 

The more I seek You

The more I find You

The more I find You

The more I love You

I want to sit at Your feet

Drink from the cup in Your hand

Lay back against You and breathe

Feel Your heart beat

This love is so deep

It's more than I can stand

I melt in Your peace

It's overwhelming

All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator

                            for all I have not seen. 

in tune with the song

In Tijuana we watched a NOOMA video called "Rhythm" by Rob Bell. I've never watched a NOOMA before, and this has become one of my favorite videos ever. Too bad I can't/haven't watched the other ones because they are not free, but short clips are available on YouTube (oh youtube.) 

I don't know. Some of the people in TJ were saying that they didn't think the messages by John were challenging enough, but, that makes me frustrated. What more of a challenge can there be than to do justice? To seek it for others? To firmly believe that every single person, even ones that we have never even seen or heard of, deserves just as much if not more than all these freaking things we have? Especially when we're living in a world that makes it so easy for us to make it just how much we choose to see? 

Sometimes I wonder why God made it that way. Why is it that we never have to see and interact with the other half, actually more than half- of the world. Why can't we be able to see that every other person that we meet lives each day like a gamble for the most basic needs. Like why is the U.S., Europe, Canada, the wealthier Southeast Asia, and other countries that we think make up the whole world when in reality is only barely 10% of it- why are we so isolated and unaware? Why don't we all live in one big land or something. So that we can see. Just how much we have and what that means. 

But then again. He didn't intend it to be that way. 

And I am nowhere near showing that I am always conscious and considerate of the rest of the world. I have never been that involved in a cause or an organization (I hope to start in college) and it is ridiculously easy to just fall back into being occupied with my own set of 'inconveniences'. 

It only seems to make sense though- it only seems justifiable- to use all these things, and make it count for them. 

God is really hard to understand yet fascinating. I guess the more I get to know Him and how He works, like how He is all about justice- He hurts that the ones that He's given more to do not realize the reasons why they have so much, or even the fact that they do- Yet He is all about grace- loving mercy- and it makes perfect sense, because the world is hungry for grace, more than anything. Haha, it makes sense that the world is hungry for something that doesn't make any sense at all. Haha. 

Anyways... yeah... that is the only thing that will manage to get its attention. The only thing that won't just 'add to the noise'. 

I don't know how I got from the NOOMA video to this. Well I do... if you were in tune with His song, you would have to care for it. 

I really like the analogy. Of a full orchestra playing in tune with His song. It's when you're too worried about the technical components, like how music is, and excessively concerned about how others are playing, that you're missing the point. You're inhibiting yourself from truly enjoying the music, from expressing what the instrument was made to do. 

"Jesus came not to start a new religion but to bring raw reality" 

What do I make my reality... What will I make my reality in the next four years? 

goodbyebubble

i will be back in two months with two songs.

50 things to remember from an MIT graduate to entering freshmen:

full article: http://www.mitadmissions.org/topics/life/workplay_balance_at_mit/50_things.shtml

my favorites: 

3. In college more than ever before, songs will attach themselves to memories. Each month or two, make a mix cd, mp3 folder, whatever- just make sure you keep copies of these songs. Ten years out, they'll be as effective as a journal in taking you back to your favorite moments. 

i do this now... haha. it's interesting looking back on playlists :). 

7. At least a few times in your college career, do something fun and irresponsible when you should be studying. The night before my freshman year psych final, my roommate somehow scored front row seats to the Indigo Girls at a venue 2 hours away. I didn't do so well on the final, but I haven't thought about psych since 1993. I've thought about the experience of going to that show (with the guy who is now my son's godfather) at least once a month ever since.

haha this reminds me of mr. jennings. shoot i gotta e-mail him my return letter.

9. Carve out an hour every single day to be alone. (Sleeping doesn't count.) 

so needed. 

13. In the first month of college, send a hand-written letter to someone who made college possible for you and describe your adventures thus far. It will mean a lot to him/her now, and it will mean a lot to you in ten years when he/she shows it to you.

this one makes me want to cry

23. It's important to think about the future, but it's more important to be present in the now. You won't get the most out of college if you think of it as a stepping stone. 

'yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, today is a gift- that's why it's called a present' :)

25. Don't be afraid to fall in love. When it happens, don't take it for granted. Celebrate it, but don't let it define your college experience.

yikes

27. Things that seem like the end of the world really do become funny with a little time and distance. Knowing this, forget the embarassment and skip to the good part. 

haha sigh. i know i will have a few.

28. Every once in awhile, there will come an especially powerful moment when you can actually feel that an experience has changed who you are. Embrace these, even if they are painful. 

...

29. No matter what your political or religious beliefs, be open-minded. You're going to be challenged over the next four years in ways you can't imagine, across all fronts. You can't learn if you're closed off.

in ways you can't imagine... 

33. Your health and safety are more important than anything. 

YES

37. In the long run, where you go to college doesn't matter as much as what you do with the opportunities you're given there. The MIT name on your resume won't mean much if that's the only thing on your resume. As a student here, you will have access to a variety of unique opportunities that no one else will ever have- don't waste them. 

one of my commitments

40. Eat badly sometimes. It's the last time in your life when you can do this without feeling guilty about it. 

you got it mister. ahhaha

46. Life is too short to stick with a course of study that you're no longer excited about. Switch, even if it complicates things. 

uh huh! we will see...

49. Enjoy every second of the next four years. It is impossible to describe how quickly they pass. 

sigh

50. This is the only time in your lives when your only real responsibility is to learn. Try to remember how lucky you are everyday. 

seriously 

Be yourself. Create. Inspire, and be inspired. Grow. Laugh. Learn. Love. 

Welcome to some of the best years of your lives. 

-B

reading this list is making my heart feel funny

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

"It is uncanny how God's secrets make life work, but it makes sense if you consider who better than the designer knows how something works." 

The secular book The Secret that is selling by millions claims that "there are spiritual realities that govern the universe and that those are as real as the physical laws that we all live by, like gravity."

"There is more to life than just what we see in front of us. It is true that the visible things we see and attain do not begin in the visible world, but the invisible world.... There are invisible laws at work. If you overcome depression or addiction, it is not just because you tried harder. It is because spiritual realities are involved. The Creator of the universe who set it all up has built into life spiritual laws that are as real as physical laws, and when you get on the right side of those laws, life just works better." 

 

"He has taught me that like the Who in Horton Hears a Who, we are on a little speck and there's a whole other world out there, a whole cosmic battle that rages on around us. He has taught me that even if I don't understand, that He is fighting, that His angels are fighting, and that one day He- and all of His goodness and love- will win... "

"When you hit this speed bump- when a friend dies, when a baby suffers, when the curse that we're under shows itself massively in your world and the vileness of sin and evil's consequences sock you in the stomach and take your breath away- you can choose to end the conversation with God, running away from Him in anger and hurt and pain, or you can choose to cling to Him. Please don't run away. If you're going to fall on a side of the fence- trusting God or not trusting God- fall on the side of faith. Choose to trust God. Continue the conversation. If you're angry with Him about something, please tell Him about it. When you lose something, please do cry and tell Him how much it hurts. Because what is going on here is wrong, just so wrong. Please do ask God questions- even the hard ones, especially the hard ones. Pour out your heart like water to Him. But do choose to stick with Him... The Master Commander will sweetly zoom in on your little speck of a rocking world and wrap His arms around you- the battle wounded- and hold you. And I have found that that is enough, that He is enough, in spite of it all." 

i like today

well spent. 

let's do it again tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after... 

i am going to be an early bird again.

i am going to be healthy.

i am going to get ready. 

most of all i am going to be expectant. 

and 

i am going to read. good night!

p.s. love love driving with the sun catching up to you. well he beats me pretty fast.

room is finally somewhat organized

haha just kidding, this is not my room, i wish. i like looking at pottery barn though :) 

'this ain't your daddy's election'

uh huh. 17 days left. 

no more lazy daysss

eyes on all of the above

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored


In the chaos, in confusion
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will








it's really sad how callous and distracted i can become in a matter of a week.
i guess it just makes me realize i am really nothing much... haha



...if i'm preparing for anything, it should be through talking to Him









p.s. i really like mexican food.
p.p.s and currently craving paht beeng soo. haven't really had it this summer.
p.p.p.s and i am so lucky to be able to eat most of the times what i crave.