there's so much i want to do






if med school wasn't on my mind (& heart of course)


and if i could make a simple, abrupt decision that doesn't encompass all of my values and experiences (which is quite rare... haha)

and if i could see myself in the arts/liberal arts field besides photography,
i'd get into interior designing





but i meant, there's so much i want to do this summer.
first.

i am really exhausted
and my schedule and list of things to do the next two weeks, next month, next couple months is ridiculous, it makes me want to cry and laugh at the same time

i am really fortunate to have my tutoring job
and i am really fortunate and God totally provided for me for all my scheduling to work out
with hangook market even after telling them about Vietnam and Mexico.
a big burden is gone :) thank you

well
i expect to become more knowledgeable about kpop after this job puha
and more about korean culture
and experience! i need i need. in the real 'working' world -.-
and.. with money. as much as i hate money right now...

i am really bad with carrying out numerous small tasks, as i'm finding out more at work
i really think i can only store like 2-3 short term informations in my brain, when the average is 7 for people. i wish i was part of the more blessed population. haha... but i am better at thinking/concentrating on 1 thing, deeply, reeeally deeply. it can be a bad thing at times. a lot of times. but good at times too.

eh. my boss said she feels worried about my first day alone on thursday. i am too. =__=






"it's just that... everything is happening at once"

well said by a friend i can't remember. oh man... what more can i say.









'You are Holy, Holy, Holy... all of heaven cries Holy, Holy, God...'

what does it mean to sing that?
it means... that i trust Him to provide for me. such as job and financial matters, and physical and emotional strength.
it means... that i will obey Him to love even when the world tells me it's unfair or too yielding
it means... that i will choose to listen to the truth instead of all other voices that seem to get everyone else's attention
it means... that i will turn my eyes towards who He is and simply respond, and the gravity and depth of the problems will seize to matter

that i will honor who He is through my decisions, work, and relationships


that's all i'm doing...

when you drive at night
and cry at the same time
the world turns lovely

for now

haircut
yearbook
macbook
prom
graduation
cheengoo's graduations
tutoring
midterms
finals
projects and portfolios
speaking spanish
gas
dates
san diego
new kitty friend for nabi?!
ssssssummer.







this is good for now.
that's enough for now.

one at a time. don't think too much. one day at a time.

ha na man seng gahk hae.
...

nuh do seng gahk hae.


gwen chan ah.
...

Dear Soomin-

Hello senior Soomin. It seems a very long time from now until I am you. I hope that by right now you have grown in your walk with God and become a servant leader in your youth group. I hope that you have learned to love yourself not by the things you do but by how God values you. I hope that you have been a great encouragement to your family, especially your mom. I hope that you tried your best at school and have no regrets about not using what God has given you. I hope that you have been brave and tried new things and challenged yourself. I hope that you have been involved at school and maybe been a class officer. I hope that despite your shy personality you have been bold for things you care about. I hope that you have established few relationships where you can tell what you're feeling and reveal your true entire self and find comfort in the relationships. I hope that you have improved your flute skills and play in the cys senior orchestra. Most of all I hope you have managed the talents God has given you faithfully and shared His love with others and let others see Him in you.

-Soomin, 6-3-05




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i sound like a freshman all right haha.
oh man...
my lit teacher freshman year had us write a letter to our graduating senior selves.
and today i visited her and got this back along with other things we did in the class...

most of the things in the letter did not surprise me...
and even just reading "getting to know you" with questions like my favorite book (little prince), thing i'm best at (i wrote sleeping-__-), who i'd like to be remembered as (someone who made a difference), what i'd like to change most about the world ("it needs more love" ... =__=)...
i don't think i have changed much at all through these four years, though i have definitely grown and my eyes were opened to so many things. but really. i am still best at sleeping. puhaha. and even favorite band is the same (it has come back to switchfoot).

yeah. i think that's a good thing.
i put... i'd like to see myself as a servant leader in yg... playing in cys senior orchestra... maybe even running for a class officer at school... certain "positions"that i probably thought would carry some meaning.

so i had a pretty good picture of where i'd like to be... and for the most part, for the most of all part... i guess i could give myself a pat on the back. but i really had no idea, how God was going to get me there.

He's still doing some intense molding all right... haha... will be doing.
but i am so, so glad, that i've let Him
not so much because i am so content with where i am/who i am now but
it's because that i've let Him that i am able to see who He is so much clearer and be confident in who He is


'His ways are always the best'...