thankful

So it is Thanksgiving and I am back home for the first time since college started... Laying on my stomach in my blanket on my electrically heated blanket, squinting my eyes because I took off my contacts. I. am going to make a list of things I am thankful for, as cliche as it may be, I think it always... puts things and my place into right perspective.

1) Electric blanket- Seriously. Luxury. It's the best when you know you can curl up into your bed knowing that it will be warm... 

2) Our house, my room, bathroom, electricity&water, kitchen - okay... but really... privacy, convenience, & literal necessities are so taken for granted. 

3) Family... there's something  about those blood ties that just leaves you speechless at times. it is most often that within these relationships, you witness the most visible healings, character-buildings, expressions of love, through God-centered and God-led actions. How can I not see Him.. He has been so good and present and working in my family, praise God.

4) Old friends who really know you or your story, especially ones you know you can call from college who will support you :) and some things you don't need to explain. 

5) My ears! I mean my hearing. Whether it'd be praise songs that make times a lot more bearable or joyous, or hearing words from a beloved one through his/her voice, a full orchestra or a cello solo or a classical piece on a piano that express for you what you can't. simple sounds like rain drops against your umbrella. i really love sound, i really do. and i am so. thankful.

6) My eyes/sight/perception - haah sounds like a psychology textbook. From cute little stickers that make your planners a little less stressful-looking to being awed at amazing works/expressions/perspectives of some artists/photographers to going into furniture stores/looking at room decorations in catalogues to exploring cities... I use //// way too much. haha forgive me.

7) Mentors in my life- jdsn's, older folks I've looked up to... without them, I would not have been so curious and encouraged to pursue knowing God... I don't know where the heck I would be then. 

8) awesome community in UCSD- having been able to find one where I feel I will grow and be challenged and most importantly love God more... with leaders that I feel that I want to grow in that way during my time at UCSD. Really couldn't ask for more. He provides fsho. It's been truly amazing starting to get a glimpse of how being in San Diego will fit into His plan for me. 

9) College! The whole package: opportunities, people-meeting, faculty, the dining facilities, classes, the various beautiful libraries / (oops used it again) study spots, the beaches... college really is the best time of your life. I am excited to go back and start the next quarter. (not so much for finals. but esta bien.) This is also only possible because of #3

10) Last but not least, the times of hardships, loneliness, and questioning in my life. As I grow... older... and experience more... I feel foolish typing this because I am still so young and naive, I guess. But I am more and more convinced in James 1:2 & in one of my favorite quotes I found about how our lives are like a mossaic and how the darkest times are the pieces that give depth to the piece, though only a small portion of the whole picture. The most important color for an artist in His palette truly is black. 

And God, if I did not know You, I would not be able to see any of the above... ;alksdjfl;kadslfkj. I can't get enough of You.

I could go on... I want to type so much more but I think these are WAY enough for me to be very very thankful today. and tomorrow. and yester...day? haha. :) Happy Thanksgiving. 

All I know is that I don't want the same patterns established for the next four years as I have established the last four years, even though I continually have convinced myself that it has been for my good and theirs, I am still not completely assured since I have never been to the other side. I am sometimes assured that it could change. I am sometimes assured that it does not, should not matter. Other times I am just more convinced that I am alone in this one. 

I am not sad... just... pondering :)

Maybe this is where expression comes in. 

Maybe I'm just waiting.

I hope this is waiting... I hope, I know this is not forever.

And when I ask Him, it's all going to make sense...

If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy

I can only conclude that I was not made for here... 

i always feel kind of self-absorbed when i make these kind of posts

this morning:

• i think i did pretty badly on my math midterm 2 this morning
  
• but it's okay because i can drop it and just make my final worth more... but that means i need to study study for that 65% 
  
• at the end of the midterm, my professor had a seizure
  
• i am still shocked from it
  
• i left when help came but

catalina last weekend & just... how He is so present. and good. i am learning more and more of the depth of these words. through sometimes the not-so-feel-good but always being assured that he surely is good even more. 

• IV retreat @ catalina was much needed
  
• God is amazing... really. this deserves sowwww much more than just a bullet point. but this post will be a shallow update. ask me if you wish for more :) as always
• "Remain in me, and I will remain in you." ... "Apart from me you can do nothing"
• intimacy.
• being a child in awe of Him 
• what an eventful week it has been. what an eventful weekend and week it will be. what an eventful couple months it has been. not just for me...

random:

• i had a big revelation this morning on the bus that you text with your thumb... at least... i do... on my chocolate. 
• i am almost down to 1900's on dining dollars. is that really bad. oh i mean 1990's... not 1900... haha that would be bad. 
• puha. something funny that happened yesterday: i was waiting for that shrimp taco tuesdays @ el mercado and i was a bit confused when the cashier would not take my ID to swipe it. i looked up and... in my hand, i was holding out my container of salsa to the cashier instead of my ID. and she was not... smiling. 

school/currently/upcoming: 

• my goal before thanksgiving is to go work out for once at the gym. so embarrassing how the only time i've been there is to use the bathroom. i have not stepped a foot into the RIMAC. i kind of want to go home looking like a mature prettier college student but um. hahaha. i am proud to say though, i have not bought a single article of clothing since college. 
• i just signed up for my classes for winter quarter last night. i had it all set and then started having a what's that word i can't remember. i started having a... i still can't remember. but i am set now. :) i am excited to start mornings with spanish and for my HUM class!!! 
• i am going to Mexico this weekend
• i am going ice skating this weekend ! yayy 
• i am finally going to get the notes from Vietnam translated. i am so excited :) 
• i am stokED to go home and drive and sleep in my own bed and use my own bathroom and relax with my cats and meet up with people and see how everyone's been doing and see how some have changed from college and have grown and feel happy seeing all those cute little ones at church and eat all the korean food i want and frozen yogurt and see my sister in 4 months and have a nice dinner and conversation with my parents as a growing.. young adult 
• i am pretty freaking excited for winter break when we don't have to do ANYTHING (i think) for school for a whole month. i am excited to staff for my home church's winter retreat
• my teenage years are almost over. that is insane my friend. 
• and all this is great and exciting and lovely and awesome but i need to cram for chemistry like no other. 
• i will be very happy tomorrow morning after 9:20 AM :) 

and i just took 5 more min organizing this into somewhat more organized form. bullet points! and categories! whoot. pictures later.

lovely motivating intimidating biomed library

oh actually this is not it.. but buildings around 

amazingly windy day

finally decorated my toms

Your hands,

Your feet... 

Your eyes

cliffs!

sisterhood of the traveling pants/color of friendship (remember that Disney award-winning movie..)-looking picture... of strangers

extremely short days but lovely moon and lighting

I trust Him, that He has nothing but the best planned... 

If anything... I know that He and His plans are bigger than anything I can ever imagine... 

Whatever it is, it is all counting towards that beautiful masterpiece.

I am going to trust You. 

reminiscing on my half-an-year-old sky blue chocolate

walking home from the bus stop... haha 

admiring some peoples' lawns

chasing fireworks on 4th of july!! literally. it was quite an adventure. 

ended up watching fireworks from at least 10 different parks as driving...

got there right on time to a park to watch the biggest fireworks of the evening.

taking some kids out to dairy belle as a promise :) finally... after getting lost for 2 hours, to get to a dairy belle far away that closes especially at 10 pm, 5 min late. then fulfilled at a dairy belle near us later... 

my first holga shot (picture of the counter)

watching mochi sleep peacefully

zZ

yeah. so... the story of getting left behind in korea after vietnam missions because i missed the flight. and then the adventure following is quite a story. ended up in seattle after almost 1) being stuck in korea for another month 2) almost ending up in honolulu 3) got to seattle 4) had to hunt down my luggage in another plane until the night before leaving for mexico. it's pretty amazing really. God is so real. sigh. hahaha 

spotting mochi sleeping in unique places (view from front door)

coldplay concert <33333333

doodling while tutoring a 5th grader at his house 

(this picture is originally an "M" from those rulers with all those shapes) 

being awed by the technology of kids' toys/learning tools these days... 

you can literally touch anything with this special pen on a page and it makes a sound, or does something. you can play games, it's awesome. we got it for vietnam, but i got to enjoy it a bit too... keke

yayuh.

looking through cute stuff at anthropologie

daydreaming about summer

free dessert heehee <3>

getting award-winning cookies @ whole foods :)

staring at my cat being cute

miss him a lot

really like when roses dry up nicely 

and making my own vbs crafts things

first paycheck eva!

first sunrise? after senior all night party

LTV 

daisies from downtown sj and graduations

funny cat

right: pencilcase my best friend in korea bought me in korea

left: jin yang's. haha coincidence

staying with sister over the weekend 

awayayawayyy. 

crepe house in san luis obispo with a really kind owner

finding out that wolf's camera MOVED to stevens creek from walking distance from my house : l ... but big lesson/connection from that

'missing cat'- found him after 5 min of posting this first sign

and of course

'

<3

If I find in myself
Desires nothing in this world can satisfy
I can only conclude
That I, I was not made for here

If the flesh that I fight
Is at best only light and momentary
Then of course, I'll feel nude
When to where I'm destined I'm compared


Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the mornin'
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me

Am I lost or just less found
On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way
Is this a soul that stirs in me
Is it breaking free, wanting to come alive

'Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the mornin'
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me

For we
We are not long here
Our time is but a breath
So we better breathe it
And I
I was made to live
I was made to love
I was made to know you

Hope
Is comin' for me
Hope
Is comin' for me
Hope
Is comin' for me
Hope
He's comin'

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the mornin', mornin'
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me, for me, for me, for me...