What my humanities 1B professor at Foothill claims on what distinguishes the human species from the rest of life on earth: 

"We are aware of our mortality-" 

He said that no other species have that awareness. And that there would be no need for philosophy, religion, art, anything, if we weren't mortal. Hmm. 

Also that it has to be more than mere intelligence, because even if there are two beings- one being the stupidest human being alive and another the most intelligent animal alive- even if the latter outsmarts the other- one stays human and the other animal. 

Another interesting point in the class was when we were talking about the new way of indicating time with B.C.E. & C.E. vs. the old way of B.C. and A.D., to avoid offending anybody, to secularize completely, yadda yadda.  A student made a comment: "But isn't that the same thing?" And at the professor's response, I was the only one who laughed... : "Well, we all know what happened" Oy. Do we... how I wish we all knew. 

<3

it's the sweetest thing
to trust you
just to know
You got everything

and You are making me a mountain
making me a mountain
that cannot be shaken

well You are making me a mountain
making me a mountain
that cannot be moved

high up on a rock
looking out at the horizon
watching as the storm rolls in
wondering if my heart will survive it

as the waves crash all around me
and can't remember what it feels like to be free

i know You're making me a mountain
making me a mountain
that cannot be shaken

oh You are making me a mountain
making me a mountain
that cannot be moved

You say, I've got you my baby
I've got you
it's quite the mess you're in
but it's nothing Love can't fix

so sit here upon my shoulders
and watch as it all unwinds

You are making me a mountain
making me a mountain
that cannot be shaken

i know You're making me a mountain
making me a mountain
that cannot be moved

Love Kristene Mueller. Especially this song, Redemption, and Homeward Bound. they especially resonate. Thank God for musicians and lyricists and lead worshippers. 

What a creative and beautiful God we have. We are most powerful and most successful when we proclaim who He is and  think of how much we love Him, how much we are loved by Him. He did that on purpose. Nothing can touch us when we do, chyeah. 

6-29-05

Randomly came across this as I am finally unpacking and cleaning my room... 

I think that my environments and situations in my life are there to shape me into a person God is planning to use for a specific purpose for Him. Why not a Navajo Indian or a European? I am not born with a perfect family. Our family is far from it. I'm the youngest and why in a family without a solid Christian faith... He has given me talents and provided me with the people and opportunities for me to be a good steward over these things. He gave me strong convictions and faith. Even the times I feel extremely lonely in my family or the fact that I have as much if not more needs than others... Every detail clearly shows they have shaped me to be who I am today. What I've also realized also is that I'm not originally a person who would be selfless but it's God who's affecting me to act more like Him. Without Him I'm a nobody and the environment I was born in made me depend on Him so much. I think right now His plan for me is to show His love to my family by caring for their needs in a Christlike manner. It's so hard and sometimes I question because I have so many needs myself. I think this missions trip was for me to get away from my home situation for awhile for me to ask God what to do and realize and prepare to be truly used as His instrument in my family. My insecurities and my shy personality have been challenged here. I have become some sort of a compassionate person and I... 

can't find the second page. Haha. 

Puhaha. I made some bold statements four years ago. My grammar is hopefully at a freshman-to-be-in-high-school level. I can't... actually I can? Imagine myself as a Navajo Indian or as a European person? Haha... 

I just remember writing this furiously on the floor in the corner of the gym at the school in Utah. Things started to click. Little girl getting a glimpse of His truths. 

The things that stand out the most is definitely the first sentence (Little girl, you have no idea... Wait. you are still a little girl? Little girl, you still have no idea). And.. 'caring for their needs in a Christlike manner'? Puhaha. Puha. Sigh. 

So I'll be honest- the first question in my head is again, what changed? 

And He tells me, all that He needed to change changed. All that He planned to. 

I am actually tearing up typing this as He tells me this... and He got me, I just came back from 

helping my mom buy her first macbook, followed by a car ride that I wish didn't happen. 

Cup Your hands over my ears again, Daddy. 

Take my eyes off of myself, turn it towards more beautiful things. 

You've been the same

So... Jesus Culture

When something doesn't leave your mind I think that's a sign. When all you can think about is something, or someone, well surely that means something. And at that point you almost get scared. Because you're about to dig into your mind. And your heart. Everything you know about the world... Hahaha not to be too dramatic but you get my point...

Point of no return, huh... 

I find myself thinking back on what Ryan Pfeiffer said about what we are really afraid of: What are we really afraid of? For the love of God to be the driving force of our lives. Because we are going to be out of control. Not in control of our lives. 

More than the fear of men- 

When we say, "Perfect love drives out fear", another phrase that has kept coming back to me this year... Yes, our love for people; God's compassion for them, should drive out fears of what they may possibly think (Okay, seriously, it's so silly when we tap into the Kingdom perspective. What is the worst thing that can happen? A frown... or feeling slightly awkward. So what??.), especially when He continuously shows us the eternal impact that we can make out of a single act of obedience. I am realizing that the phrase also reveals that it's when our love for God, our desire to be with Him, drives out this fear of feeling like we are not in control of our lives. It's kind of like falling in love with a person, I guess, you feel vulnerable and they indirectly take more and more control of your life. But you don't care, because you just want to be with them! Hm. And what's crazy is that there really is no reason or need for fear. He is a good God. Like one of the speakers said, we never regret giving God "too much"... but often of giving Him too little. 

Everything that Jesus ever did, does, including during His ministry on earth, was out of love. Whatever mind-blowing healings and miracles He did, it was out of love, and it was an invitation, not the end. Everything He did was out of love. Remembering this helped me throughout the conference a lot. 

I have sets of questions. More than questions, I feel like this is the beginning of something. Where this search will lead to, I don't know in terms of how we measure things. If there is any sort of measurement in His kingdom, though, is our hearts. I am just convinced that the more I seek Him, the more I'll find Him. I am also glad and thankful that God has provided people- mentors, peers, to talk to, grow with, question with, seek with. Ha. And surely there are people who have gone before me in this... journey. 

I want Your presence and I want to be fully present in Your presence. Haha... I don't think I know what I am really asking. What I mean is, I want to look right at You, I want to sing right to You. 

You are a God that we are meant to be in awe of. 

I mean, if you are GOD, you must be GOD, hahaha... 

My Real First Day of Summer

= today. 

I am slightly sick, thus the excuse to still not unpack and stay in bed most of the day. (Okay. I am sick. Finally.) 

Missed church... Have not met up with anyone yet. 

I have been reading a lot of things online and dah. Making lists. But most of the things I am making lists of are exciting things. And digesting the past couple days. Good stuff.

My professors sound pretty cool for Foothill. I am taking an intro to drawing class for pure enjoyment (Ah... I feel like I can breathe a little, it is summer c:), a humanities class that sounds pretty interesting, and a history class online to finish HUM. 

Books to read... people I want to know about. Skills I want to 갈고 닦아. Ahaha that was a very random usage of Korean. Speaking of which, I must improve in my Korean this summer (I can't believe I'm saying this, but I have reached the stage where I can feel my tongue and brain working together when I speak in Korean, whereas I used to not feel anything before, i would just flow like breathing. Dah. Except for random phrases to express certain emotions. ) 

Since college, I felt myself becoming more disconnected and critical of my culture. But I don't want to go that direction. If anything, I want to grow a heart for my... people. And I can't deny that God placed me in my specific background for specific reasons. And I want to be able to connect with that huge pool of people I will be continuing to interact with and meet... This sounds a lot like the reason why I want to learn Spanish. And ha. Another huge reason: My family. Another huge reason: I want to be able to pray in Korean. 

I told my dad yesterday that I think the most Korean side of me now is my tastebuds. 

I played my flute today!!! Wow. Haven't for... an year. I am grateful that my mom made me take lessons throughout the years, because I can't be expressive with guitar or piano but there is an instrument that I can somewhat. 

I realized today that summer is probably going to be pretty packed. But still, packed with things I am choosing to do fo sho. I am excited and I am very thankful. 

I have all the reasons to, everyday, first priority, to wait, to listen, and follow Your voice. 

So I am not moving anywhere. Haha. I am too used to good old blogspot that lets me be random and or thoughtful.

Some of the joys the past week... : 

Making it out of dorms on time! checked out 6 pm sharp, by grace of God... sigh haha.

Extraordinary desserts for first time after last final! Spontaneously :)

Balboa Park and its museums :) 

Eating at a four-star restaurant +_+... Actually, the best dish was the salad. Eh. 

Visiting Solvang before San Luis Obispo. The place Natalie calls 

"uh... very out of place." Like a Dutch town. The place I call "Koreans would put this place in a travelguide." Hahaha. 

an antique shop at Solvang with an intimidating owner, but another one was really kind.

I like vintage stuff :) 

Something about it (or maybe just from watching Sound of Music, haha) 

made me think they should be dancing in it. 

The morning sun beat us to Cupertino. 

My mom (I am guessing but I am pretty sure) has put up the scroll with Psalm 23 written on it in Korean in the living room, it was the first thing I saw when I came in. 

You speak to me in the way I understand. Like... in our secret language.

APuuuUAsha!!!

I don't know, I needed to make up a word to try to express how I feel right now... 

WHOOOOOO DONE WITH GENERAL CHEMISTRY. I graduated. 

Final was ridiculous. I was delirious. But it's over. 

One more final on Friday. Learn all of it since last midterm tomorrow. That's okay. 

I can sleep tonight~ TheehehHehe 

Okie. I probably should sleep now. I sound kind of weird. 

YAY YAYAYAYAYAYAYA Totally pointless post. But it would be too long of an update for a status. 

The past 48 hours... can be described by various things: 

- 48 hours because... I don't really remember day/night/evening/morning. All I remember is __ hours left's. =_= bleck.

- My cereal bowl and spoon is currently in Disco lounge. 

- This morning me and my friend had a very Dejavu moment. Driving to Starbucks @ 6 AM Yayuh. Doing the same thing exactly 24 hours ago. 

- I somehow ended up taking the dry erase markers and eraser from CLICS there. 

- I need to make up for all the guilty snacking and caffeine-ing that I "deserved" this past week. Puaha

- My roomie offered and heated up a cup of coffee for me, and I was very touched. But it was very gross because it was spoiled. She offered me a second cup. It was also spoiled. It was nasty. 

Now a list of things to do for life can be made: 

- get boxes to pack

- figure out next week. and this week. 

- sell those textbooks ah 

- go to the cliffs at sunset before departing SD

- register for De Anza

- get switchfoot tickets teheh

- sleep.. sweet sleep 

- think about things other than chemistry. and school. 

- wish we didn't have to end the year so hectic-ly so we can say goodby better :l

Things I Want to Write / Daydream More on Later

- Studying abroad/traveling/living in a completely different place: how places shape you, or less often, the other way around? Who is more likely to grow attached to a place, why? I think people who travel around a lot and move from place to place a lot need to be very secure people. Not to say that people who grow attached are insecure. But what kind of things and in what ways is definitely explorable. How much of our identities are based on the 'places' in our lives? How much does He say?

- Love is the bridge to His kingdom. It will last. Not what went on here, not prophecies, not gifts. What are the things that really last? How eternal of a perspective can we have? How does character fit into this? 

-I wonder how often, the most noticeable men and women of God with the most amazing faith, think back on their past, or how God's taken them where they are. If they feel vulnerable. The more we become dependent on Him, the more we realize that we can't do anything on our own... At the same time, though they probably have realized the... fragility of their abilities and vulnerability with their needs, they probably have also realized that the relationship that they have with Him is unshakable. It's their foundation. Because God will keep being God... the most powerful thing we can do is to keep a relationship. To grow deeper into a relationship. 

- I am definitely down for a meteor shower this summer. 

Going back home for more than a weekend means. 

I don't quite know what it would mean. After this year. yet. 

It wouldn't take much though to be reminded what it meant. What it has meant. 

So much baggage. 

So much brokenness. 

What would it look like... 

Surrounded by reminders that only He can heal.

Surrounded by my own brokenness.

I am not confident in being a light. 

But it's not my light. 

It's never been mine. 

It would have been gone out long ago, if I had any. 

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us" 2 Corinthians 4: 7

Dah!!!

How can I not trust You??? 

With everything. 

You surely have better than I can ever offer myself. Or anyone or anything. Hahah... 

How can I not...