Two things He told me:

When I asked, what's one thing that You want me to walk away from this week: 

That even if I hadn't 'done' any of this week, 

He'd love me the same. 

...

and that I don't have to be all anxious, 

He's not going anywhere. 

Puhaha... 

There are a lot of things going on. 

Several things He's been bringing up...

I really can't get myself to blog. Last blog remains unedited. 

Tis a journaling season =)... Meaning a lot of in-the-process'es... He's going to teach me things. Ahah

But a thought: as I know, sense, and feel the different things going on for each person around me. Away from me... close to me, not so close to me... and with the new freedom that He's been giving me (would have been the remainder of the last post), that He never meant for it to be a burden but a blessing that I am easily in tune with what others are thinking or feeling, yet He wants me to be free and expressive of who He created me to be and what He's doing in me- Okay this is super run-on. I think He's beginning this shift. And showing me by example (always...). Jesus always had everything to do with the world around Him... Yet He was definitely not living on earth. Physically, He was, but not in His mind, His heart, or His soul. I feel like I'd rather be concerned and involved with what my brothers (allowing, and this is another story) and sisters in Christ, and for sure the ones who don't know Him are going through, than... I don't really know how to form this yet. But my joy shouldn't be blinding. Or limiting. It brings freedom. It opens doors. It gives out invitations. Joy opens eyes. It definitely opens other people's eyes. And I want to rejoice because I know that what lies ahead of whatever my friends or family are facing is freedom and the full package of what He has for them. And press on for them together. 

It's like... when you like someone, and know what they think about you (all good things that make you feel fuzzy inside), you can't help but be so... happy. And it's Him thinking about us that way.

 

I love my new journal. Briana gave it to me at the end of last year, and it has John 4:14 on it. And I decorated it. I am the girl. I'm on a date with Him. =) 

Idk. All I know is that I am more in love with Him than before, and maybe that's all I need to know. Probably. =)

About Freedom

How would things change if you knew that you could never fail? 

This is a question that my youth pastor used to ask. It would stir up something in me, and I could see where he's trying to get to. 

But really. We are free to live, free to love, and free to worship. All of those things require full confidence in the truth that His love never fails. 

This is something I want to blog more about later, as this is well... zero week. Ahah. 

God has been emphasizing 'transparency' (along with that comes... vulnerability) for me since the summer. That He is wiping my windshield. Taking the dirt, fogginess off. Not only so that I can see further and more clearly ahead, into the things that He's bringing into my life, but that it's going to be important for people to look more clearly into me as well. My friend prayed this for me sometime in July and He's been re-directing my attention to it over and over. To trust Him that He's doing this so others can see a full view of what He's doing... It's definitely a stretch for me, and it means a lot in ways that He knows. But I've been convinced that it's important and have yielded to it, and have seen Him move in ways I could not even imagine as summer closed. 

Anyways what does this have to do with freedom...

(Then I fell asleep.)

__________________________edit: Saturday morning after 0 week______

Awkward Relationships or... Awkwardness in Relationships

How relatable, right? I was going to put this as my Facebook status yesterday... "Awkward relationships. (Not just guy-girl relationships). What do you think they say about people?" But I didn't because I didn't want to make it seem like I was referring to any specific relationship that I have. Though I have my share of awkward relationships, haha sigh. 

There are categories of awkward relationships. Or stages. Or both. The girl-guy-where's-the-line kind, the before-even-getting-to-know-the-person kind, the you-sense-something-they-don't-think-you-know kind, you-just-can't-relate-to-them kind, and of course just the plain insecure kind where you are worried they don't like you. Haha this reveals how much I contemplate on this sort of thing =(... But I was admitting to my friend today that when I start dwelling on an awkward relationship, it bothers me so much that I can't go to sleep! =(... 

It really bothers me. Awkward relationships. Or awkwardness in relationships. I guess because I end up reverting back to questioning if there is something wrong with me, if it's just the way I am. 

Sometimes I feel like it has been easier for me to love God because He's really the only Person in my life who's been able to see through everything. See through all of me. Often times I felt like I could see what people see when they see me, and didn't like it. I am pretty intuitive, and I didn't like it because I felt like it was a burden. I am a sucker for intimate relationships. I grow jealous at them. I definitely think about... myself (ahaha) when they talk about the kind of loneliness that builds up as you meet more and more people. I am an introvert at heart, though I may seem like an extrovert.

There has been much freedom for sure though, in the past year. About my identity. How He made me so intentionally and specifically, not to make me feel more lonely but to take me to the only place I won't ever feel that way. 

Yeah. I want to be freeeeeeeeeee. I am free. But awkwardness in relationships sucks. 

I wanted to put up a vulnerable entry. =) 

Bliss

Heavenly joy. 

Taste of emotions of angels. 

Joy is from heaven. Heaven is characterized by joy.

His kingdom on earth should usher in joy. It's inseperable.

"People are surprised to find that God is often in a good mood" 

=)

My heart is full. 

My 'radar' for anything else is definitely off. 

Not by anything else but who You are and what You do. 

And I want to stay here forevaaaaa =)

Not that everything is going perfectly. But I know in a way that's better than perfectly.

I want to live in such a way that nothing ever gets bigger than my awareness of Your presence.

It's funny because the Bible commands us to "Rejoice!" A lot... It never tells us to "Be Solemn!" Haha... The 'closest' thing to it, possibly, in the world's point of view is "Be still and know that I am God"... But that's where the misconception lies. When You are still, and know that He is God, and how much He rejoices over you, and how good He is, how much He is for you, you can't help but rejoice!! =) 

"The greatest secret regarding joy is in discovering God's joy over us... God has joy. And it's His joy over us that makes us strong! That truth sets us free unlike anything else."