How relatable, right? I was going to put this as my Facebook status yesterday... "Awkward relationships. (Not just guy-girl relationships). What do you think they say about people?" But I didn't because I didn't want to make it seem like I was referring to any specific relationship that I have. Though I have my share of awkward relationships, haha sigh.
There are categories of awkward relationships. Or stages. Or both. The girl-guy-where's-the-line kind, the before-even-getting-to-know-the-person kind, the you-sense-something-they-don't-think-you-know kind, you-just-can't-relate-to-them kind, and of course just the plain insecure kind where you are worried they don't like you. Haha this reveals how much I contemplate on this sort of thing =(... But I was admitting to my friend today that when I start dwelling on an awkward relationship, it bothers me so much that I can't go to sleep! =(...
It really bothers me. Awkward relationships. Or awkwardness in relationships. I guess because I end up reverting back to questioning if there is something wrong with me, if it's just the way I am.
Sometimes I feel like it has been easier for me to love God because He's really the only Person in my life who's been able to see through everything. See through all of me. Often times I felt like I could see what people see when they see me, and didn't like it. I am pretty intuitive, and I didn't like it because I felt like it was a burden. I am a sucker for intimate relationships. I grow jealous at them. I definitely think about... myself (ahaha) when they talk about the kind of loneliness that builds up as you meet more and more people. I am an introvert at heart, though I may seem like an extrovert.
There has been much freedom for sure though, in the past year. About my identity. How He made me so intentionally and specifically, not to make me feel more lonely but to take me to the only place I won't ever feel that way.
Yeah. I want to be freeeeeeeeeee. I am free. But awkwardness in relationships sucks.
I wanted to put up a vulnerable entry. =)
1 comment:
there wasn't anything specific that i felt i could relate to... just how i contemplate on those sorts of things a lot too.. and i even try to 연구해 and learn from how people react and take care? of those awkwardnesses in relationships and etc. and "maybe i've been the problem maybe i'm the one to blame but even when i turn it off and somethingsomething the outcome feels the same" came to mind when i was reading your blog. : )
and, of course,
awkwardness in releationships does suck. sigh.
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