Isaiah 43:5

Do not be afraid, 

for I AM with you. 

Psalm 142:3

When my spirit grows faint within me,

it is You who know my way.

You call me by a new name

He lifts His voice 

and the earth melts. 

come as you are

just as you are. 

I am so drained. 

I feel weak.

could You come?

 You'd come for me... 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

Back to the start...

"If you look for it, you can find the most beautiful fish in this aquarium. It's really as if somebody painted over it..."

:)!

-Seriously. Each specie of... fish. sea creatures. I couldn't help but marvel at how unique and how... purposeful each one is made to be. Camouflages are one of the things that most fascinate me. Are you telling me that given a long enough time, each creature was able to 'end up' the way it is through mutations? I don't believe that, dang. For reals, it takes more faith to believe in that. Than in a designer. A really creative, intentional one too.

-Twas refreshing... Most of the crowd consisted of grandmas, grandpas, little kids with their parents... To be able to just put my face super close in front of the glass and stare at these little things that never blink. Thinking about what He was thinking of when He made it. It was quite... free-ing. From all the things that's on my mind. Staring at fish definitely slows things down, hahahaha.

-He knows this is the kind of day that I needed. The free-ing and slowing down I mean... Despite my failures leading up to a 3 hour trip which consisted of spending $10 on the bus, asking 4 different drivers how to get there, and walking more than ever since I believe my Walkathon... puhaha.

-See journaling this type of thing puts so many things into perspective, already...

-Summer. I am not staying in San Diego for longer. De Anza it is, to finish my GE's (praise God). To earn some $. First summer going to summer school since middle school. Also first summer where I am not going to be going on a missions trip since then. In one day, though, He definitely showed me where He wants me to be. Reasons why I wanted to stay in SD longer were mostly selfishness and fear. And well... I think He's told me enough times what He thinks about those.

-I've been pretty drained lately and had to withdraw myself more... It's just a lot of things. But He knows. And sitting at His feet... or trying to... is the only place those things don't seem so overwhelming anymore... Almost like, what was I thinking? What are all these things: my emotions, burdens, 'responsibilities', plans... compared to who He is... They just become so small. Almost insignificant.

-and now I am ready to go back to reading my Spanish assignment. And study for statistics.

I wonder what it would look like 

for my faith to become my eyes. 

I don't want to just wonder, though. 

He has never let me down.

So why not? 

Who else has held the oceans in his hand? 

Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers? 

Who else knows the weight of the earth or has weighed out the mountains and the hills? 

Who is able to advise the Spirit of the Lord? 

Who knows enough to be his teacher or counselor? 

Has the LORD ever needed anyone's advice? 

Does he need instruction about what is good or what is best? 

...Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? 

He brings them out one after another, calling each by its name. 

And he counts them to see that none are lost or have strayed away. 

You have been chosen to know me, believe in me, and understand that I alone am God. 

There is no other God; there never has been and never will be. 

I am the LORD, and there is no other Savior. 

First I predicted your deliverance; 

I declared what I would do, and then I did it- I saved you. 

I will give you abundant water to quench your thirst and to moisten your parched fields... 

Some will proudly proclaim,'I belong to the LORD' 

Do not tremble; do not be afraid. 

Have I not proclaimed from ages past what my purposes are for you? 

You are my witnesses- 

I, the LORD, made you, and I will not forget to help you. 

Eight weeks is not a long time... 

And it's going to be so easy to spend most of it thinking, dwelling, planning, the upcoming summer. And next year. The "future". 

I don't want to though. 

I just want to sit at Your feet. 

No matter how 'ridiculous' it may seem to the world and to my instincts at times. 

This thing that You gave me. This way that You made me to be. To want things to count for the bigger. I don't want it to detract away from its destination in the first place-  Your presence. 

Help me acknowledge that it's You on Your throne... You surely are the only One capable. Thank you!!!  for being so capable. So soww capable.

I worship You... and You acknowledge my heart. Nothing else... I worship You

ways You are so-not-of-this-world: very likely to be continued list

1) You love and value everyone the same, not just the likable or admirable ones. 

2) What others think of a person doesn't change how You've always seen them as. 

3) When people show their neediness and weakness to You, You draw closer to fill; You don't turn away or be turned off. 

4) You don't need anything to try to satisfy Your needs. 

5) You have all the time in the world. Not that You need time.

6) You don't measure things the way we do. Whether it'd be progress, someone's love for someone or something...

7) The more we become dependent on You, the more we love You. 

8) You love to give out things not earned or deserved. 

9) You never run out.

10) You satisfy everyone completely- whatever their interests, passions, relationships, circumstances, requests, stories are. 

11) Yet You are more personal than anything- and we all describe and know the same God with the same characteristics

12) Lies have no control over Your thoughts.

13) You see beyond the surface. 

14) The things You notice first are very different from the things we notice first. 

15) You don't quit. 

16) You never change.

17) You work in mysterious ways yet You can't be more real.

.

.

Thanks God for giving me this idea, for Your truth before going to bed. Thank You for knowing me. Thank You for reminding me why I love you a lottt. Good night

I was walking back from snake path by myself, at a kind of hour I should call an escort... but didn't and started singing songs to Him. 

And I noticed as I passed by a person, a group of people... a couple... that I hush myself- yeah, out of fear of what they will think of me. And I found myself quieting myself even more when I would come across parts of the songs where it made it CLEAR that the song was about God or making really bold statements (example: Jesus, I believe in You, and I will GO...)... 

When do I allow myself to be drowned out? When do I allow my songs to be drowned out and start paying attention to the lyrics of another? By my own thoughts? 

Then I decided to sing even louder as I passed by the radio station. As I passed by another person. Maybe, possibly, that person will pause for even a second to think about this Jesus. Maybe, that person will just think that I'm a Jesus freak or someone who's really depressed and a loner walking alone and singing because she's scared. So what? Then, so be it... But I want the first possibility to be the reason why I choose to sing even louder. 

For perfect love drives out fear- 

There is no fear in love. 

There is no fear in love

Perfect love drives out fear...

Then there's only excitement. :) !!! 

and the good kind of sigh with the sunset. 

April shall be a good one :)

O Lord bless me 

and keep me 

cause Your face

to shine on me

Lord be gracious 

lift the light of Your countenance 

give me peace

I live only 

to see Your face 

so shine on me

let the light of Your face 

shine down on my heart 

and let me feel it

I'm just listening to this song over and over again...

It's week 1 but it's been quite a full week. And I am, or seem to be already behind with classes. But it's mostly the first part... I need You more than ever to fill me up. Give me the most specific directions. I need You to be close, real close. 

It is good though. To see that I need You just as desparately when I'm doing "well"... 

Overflow.