All I know is that I don't want the same patterns established for the next four years as I have established the last four years, even though I continually have convinced myself that it has been for my good and theirs, I am still not completely assured since I have never been to the other side. I am sometimes assured that it could change. I am sometimes assured that it does not, should not matter. Other times I am just more convinced that I am alone in this one. 

I am not sad... just... pondering :)

Maybe this is where expression comes in. 

Maybe I'm just waiting.

I hope this is waiting... I hope, I know this is not forever.

And when I ask Him, it's all going to make sense...

If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy

I can only conclude that I was not made for here...