Dear Heavenly Father,

I want to be Your hands and feet. I want to feel Your groanings for Your people on this campus. I want to be convicted of nothing less than Your relentless, passionate pursuit of them. LORD- I am a bit overwhelmed as You are opening my spiritual eyes. As You open them to the value of Your children, also to our brokenness. How can they be and live for such hollowness? 

Guard my heart against pride God- I want to overflow, not just for myself to be be filled but overflow as far as I can. As far as You can reach. 

I want to burn out bright that people will see that the light is not from me but something that has to be divine, supernatural, not of me. I feel like I'm about to get past this threshold- that beyond this point- they may be able to see You. Beyond me. Beyond my 'personality', 'disposition', 'talents'- God I want that so badly with all my heart... because it is You who bring life, not me... Not me... How unfortunate would that be. 

Pastor Jamie prayed for me that I would be such a clear and transparent container that they may be able to see Your light, Your glory. And the speaker described my fear of feeling like a weak container/jar of clay (2 Corinthians 4:7) and the fear of being consumed- 

I need to be led by You- Your Spirit- I need to be so close to You that You show me how to be the clearest container that I can be. Consume the parts of me that block any rays of Your light- even the darkness is light to You... Open my eyes to the reality that I can't be anything for my friends, family, except when I pour out Your truths to them. 

God I repent for any ways- hints of pride, apathy- that prevented Your light from shining. For keeping Your light under a bowl. God I pray that as I understand the darkness of this world and of this campus that I will realize and live out that I can't afford to keep Your light under anything... 

My desire has been for others to 'see me through'- which You alone meet over and over...

Now I want others to see 'beyond me' to see YOU. 

And You are great at making me laugh. As always... The day I come back from IHOP, You would own me with the message that resonates in the deepest parts of my heart, that tells me that You've seen me and led me all throughout the last season... on top of that, You would humor me again with the 'lion cake' and the 'bunsen burner' cake. You are. Really funny.