I think gratitude is really it.
That changes everything. How my day turns out, the direction of my thoughts, how much I can bless others / whether or not I can even bless others... whether or not I choose to look at something as a burden or a blessing. The big picture or do I become too wrapped up in the 'issues' around me or my own internal struggles.
I don't blog much in this way anymore. Most of my blogs I notice are just song lyrics or phrases I want to remember or express. Share. My own thoughts (well, the 'raw' ones, or the ones before my 'product thoughts') and personal feelings rarely are shown. Hmm. I guess that pretty much reflects how I am though. The latter are saved for my journal or private blog, which I am definitely looking forward to reading back this summer. It will feel like I'm walking through the days again. Teheh. I am excited.
I spent a good amount of hours last night burning CD's as part of the gifts for our leaders- still have about 6 more to go. And eh, I should have finished my paper during the process that was due Friday (first time I did not turn in something on time since college), but naw. Decided to read through e-mails and blogs instead.
It's over my head how God is so intricately involved in each person's life. Where He is directing each person to, how He is showing Himself to them.
I was talking with a friend back home last night in awhile who definitely has challenged me through her faith despite being 2 years younger. and dang, let's just say that God knows what He is doing. and He is so intentional. Again and again. You prove it to me again and again. And He is quite witty. and funny. and ha, sovereign.
She was sharing with me (I don't know if she reads this blog haha, if you do, feel special :) !) how she realized that obedience may not immediately lead to 'reward'- but what she learned is that like Joseph, who obeyed God through his whole journey from being sold into slavery by his brothers to being jailed to forgiving his brothers as someone with so much power in his society, God will take you to the place where you would definitely see that He rewards you beyond what you could have imagined. Not only does He meets your needs but... more. So much more. He does this a lot... over and over in the Bible and around us...
What I realized is that what may seem like a 'lack of reward / any recognition from God for your obedience' at the moment- those steps, are necessary for Him to take you to that place at the end. To show you how much He knows. To show you how soverign He is, to show you how able He is. How much He can top whatever you ask.
And that in itself is a good reason. The point is just to show you how good He is. Not just good... but how can He best show Himself to us for who He is? How can we get to see as much of His glory as we can? Haha, I don't know if this just sounds confusing... but it makes so much sense in my heart.
Something else that's been on my mind is "the spectrum" or "the way that we seek Him and His kingdom" within the church. "theological differences", "feel-good Christianity", "kingdom-centered gospel", "spiritual gifts", the list goes on and on... I sense that there are people around me who are searching and wrestling with these things, and it leads me to ponder..
That should probably wait until another entry. But I believe that God desires to be as real as He can be in our lives, that He is as involved as we let Him, and that He can use anything to show more of Himself. And I definitely don't believe in the thin-faced Jesus. And He shows up much more when we seek Him with our hearts than with our intellect... not that we can't. Also that He values refining our character. Okay this is really... in the process thoughts.
I feel like there has been less 'musings' in my own mind about what it would 'look like' or 'how can I'-s... but more listening. And it has changed everything... I've gotten to know Him so much better and in ways I never knew Him before this year... to see Him as who He truly is. More so, what does it look like to acknowledge that in the way I live? Think? Plan? Express. Share.
Maybe He just wants us to always have room to listen. To always be in the posture of listening. He has so much to tell us, so much to show. He cares, about the smallest concerns, most narrowed-down questions... but maybe we should let Him tell us what He does wants us to know first. Before anything.
Mm. Most likely about who He is.
2 CD's left.
I realize how much I appreciate and love my leaders as I was signing the cards for them. I am definitely more expressive in writing than... speaking. Oh the Korean side of me that I cannot deny. Or maybe it's the unexpressive family background side of me. Haha
This was really long. One of those entries that makes me realize what I want to blog about later. Two weeks left with the ones living around me, being excited for next year, Urbana...
Summer is in two weeks. I am going to be studying like never before. and about summer and the end of the year and how my two worlds are starting to mix and collide together and Him telling me that He has been, is the same in both -yeah. it would take another lengthy one.
I have glitter on my new violet keyboard covers. HEhe :)
