Currently...

I'm a little overwhelmed. And it's easy to say that it's because... and it does start with me feeling behind. Honestly whenever I come in and see my apartmentmates using their molecules kit for O Chem, I am reminded with this anxious feeling that I have not touched the textbook yet. And then of course I'm reminded of the other classes, how I need to pull my act together this quarter for my parents... wonder what my apartment-mates think of me because they hardly see me being a 'student'... needing to spend more time with them... then that opens a whole another door... I start feeling short. 

Yeah... I feel short of time, resources, emotional strength, abilities, and hit with realities that I can't control how other people feel. Or think. Am I doing okay? I feel like I'm not being a good enough daughter. I feel like I'm not really a great apartment-mate, I need to be around more... etc. 

Man. If I really sit down. And think about all the things that I feel like I should be doing more of or be there more for... it sure piles up. 

On the other hand, I could sit down, and think about all the things that He has made known to me that He is handling. 

My only role on this campus, in my family, in my apartment, wherever I go. Is to be His beloved daughter. 

My job is not to fill others' needs. 

Only to be filled myself.

I am not in control of the first nor am I responsible for that. 

It's not being selfish but acknowledging that I am not God and yielding so that He can make Himself known... This can be hard, but He knows why and I fully believe that it is only Him who can meet us wherever we are and that when He does, He completely fills us up. So we don't have to go around looking to be filled by others for the things they can't. 

God I need Your grace to live in this truth today. In this freedom that You've been so eager to give me. And I know is what I've been yearning for. I've been tasting in the past couple weeks. 

And You've just shown me two days ago what happens when I do yield to this truth. Even though I couldn't quite see it for an year or two, I trusted You.  You know how much it means to me. You would remind me at this point... Thank You..

Being in the secret place is not a place to remove myself from others' lives or the world, but the most involved I'll ever be. Because it's the place I'll be most near and in tune with Your heart, and both of those things are for sure in Your heart. A lot more fit in Yours than mine. And I also get to acknowledge who You are and who I am. And I get to be filled. You've shown me too much that it's about what flows out from my heart, not what I try to muster up from it. 

Man I really have nothing to offer by myself HAha. And I am glad.