It's the first Friday night in San Diego of the second quarter.
I am... sleep deprived, kind of all over the place, kind of stressed, anticipating, proud (just learned a new song on guitar :) ), blessed, fighting, praying.
I need to learn better time management. I thought I was pretty okay at it, but college makes you wish you had more than 24 hours a day. And I am only a freshwoman. Who is not on top of her classes at all. I don't know how I'm going to be next quarter, next next... next year...
It's been hard to be fully immersed in the world of Ancient Greece & Odysseus's world, then interested in the world of vectors, trying to prioritize learning Spanish before having more room in schedule, trying to save the dinero and get good deals on new texts and clickers and trying to make dinero making a resume and selling books and clickers and... trying not to forget about what went on at retreat and trying to pray for them and trying to make sense of and connect what God has been surfaced and now here and trying not to feel guilty about home and trying to be just... available to His promptings. trying to not get caught into the whole failing-to-be-stillness. trying to avoid the chaining thoughts. trying to have the right motivations in trying harder in academics. that's a lot of trying's the word trying is almost starting to look odd. (Doesn't that happen to you? When you stare at a word for a really long time, it starts to look... not right.)
But then there goes the red flag. When there's this many trying's and uncluttered-ness...
Loving Him and living for Him should not be a list of trying's.
God will fill my needs. God will discipline me. He will show me the things that He desires for me to know, to grow.
And all I need to do is to want that.
I can just admit, God, there is a lot on my mind. And it's scary how this uncluttered-ness can surface in a matter of hours, minutes. I need Your peace. You keep up with every thought of mine. Even though You... obviously have many other matters to attend, to be more concerned about.
To align your will with His...
I am going to go through a 21 day fast (Facebook and AIM. I almost feel free...) until the end of January, I am taking the challenge presented at IV Large Group. God has been building up the anticipation since summer, consistently, throughly, and specifically that He's going to reveal something about prayer, or rather about Him and about knowing Him through prayer. I am quite excited to go through The Prayer Driven Life with an awesome community.
Other things that clutter my mind, especially during classes -__-:
-My Spanish teacher gave me "homework" today, for me to watch a Jim Carrey movie this weekend. She was horrified when my partner said I don't know who he is. I hope I spelled his name right, because you might be horrified reading this. Anyways. I like my professor*** though.
-I had a freaking dream about my camera the night before I finally picked it up because I was so thinking about it. So what happened is they delivered it to the 9500 Gilman Dr. location, which is where all these mountains of packages dwell with... it was like a field trip. Day 1 with my new camera has been wonderful.
-Today in math class my professor (who I am sorry but is the least interesting math instructor I've had, I was very fortunate to have amazing math teachers all throughout high school) wrote SINE on the board as SIGN and... wrote it twice... never noticed it. I chuckled to myself.
-I KNEW I forgot to pack something. -__-...: my sky-blue zip-up hoodie, blue cardigan, and my purple notebook from retreat. I usually don't forget to take stuff, but manage to leave things behind. I am sad. Because my mom can't find the hoodie & the cardigan. But then again, I have enough clothes forreals.
-I had my first golden spoon today. Showed my roomie that I indeed have the astonishing-to-others ability to not get brainfreezes, even with my also astonishing-to-others ability to consume yogurt/ice cream quite speedily (as opposed to my usual slow, "soomin stop talking, start eating"... pace of consuming most foods).
